Well, here I am…Day effin’ 11 of the virus from hell and I’m still so exhausted it’s like a bad joke. Only no one is laughing ’cause there ain’t nothing funny about it. To say, at this point, that I’m so sick of being sick would be the understatment of all understatements. I’ve done what I’m supposed to do: rest, rest and more rest. And yet, the cruel thing about getting mono at my age is that it’s lovely, lingering fatigue can last for weeks and weeks. My frustration with this illness knows no bounds and now I am ready to officially “kook-out.” I’ll get these little spurts of energy so I venture downstairs to make some tea and step out on the porch to experience just a fraction of this amazing weather and next thing I know I feel like my legs are going to buckle and give out from under me and gravity is going to suck me down. I literally have to find the nearest resting spot and lay my head down. Mono isn’t fuckin’ around. Oh no, this Epstein Bar/Chronic Fatigue bullshit likes to humble me each and every time I think I’m making progress. Like this morning, when I got up to shower and attempted to shave my legs. Only managed to get through one leg when I felt like I was going to topple over and landed right back in bed soaking wet barely covered in a towel. Like that visual? Well there’s plenty more where that come from. Believe me. I am full of humbling, humiliating mono tales from the last week and a half and there seems to be no end in sight.
I’m really only blogging right now as a last-ditch effort to hold onto any shred ofsanity that I might have left and, mainly, s to send a shout-out to the amazing people in my life who have come through for me since being sick. You know who you are…you lovely people who have dropped off goodie bags and magazines for me, gone to the store to get things for me and the fam, or sent my us a delicious meal and home-made me soup or sent packages with books and crafts…and a really special shout-out to the generous, supportive peeps who have watched my children, shuffled them to and from school and made them feel happy and entertained when their mama, sadly, could not. This is killing me more than anything. I have no energy whatsoever for my girls. I know they get it and they understand but it doesn’t lessen my guilt. It’s one thing to get sick for a few days, but this bullshit is keeping me from enjoying my babies and doing what I’m so used to doing…being their mama. I am grateful that PoopieDaddy and my parents and friends have been able to fill that role for me as much as they can, but you guys know, nothing replaces a mommy. Nothing. And I feel awful that I’m this zombie person lying around in bed while their lives are moving forward without me. Everyone keeps telling me to keep my chin-up and remember that this is all temporary and won’t last forever, but IT ALREADY FEELS LIKE FOREVER.
I’m sorry that the blog posts are filled with more self-pity and unhealthy tirades about how annoyed I am, but a Poopie has to vent somewhere and I know you Poops understand. I sure hope that the worst days are behind me and I start to feel even ounces of the energy I so desperately need by the end of the week, because Spring Break starts on Friday and I can’t imagine what we’re going to do around here with all that time to fill if mama is still this exhausted. I was really hoping for a major comeback today and it’s saddened me that the fatigue is still winning. Keep good thoughts and positive mojo in the air for me, Poops, I really really need it.